Healthy Relationships
(If you see something disrespectful, offensive, or incorrect about this information, contact an HEP staff member at healthed@wku.edu or call (270) 745-4491)
Overview
LGBTQIA+ Relationships have unique challenges compared to heterosexual relationships. There is no “one size fits all" representation. So, instead of trying to give examples of what it should look like, we are going to list tools and recommendations from primary and secondary sources that you can use.
This guide does not have all the answers, but you will learn more and enhance your experiences by guiding your decisions with this knowledge.
Pay close attention to your romantic and platonic relationships to see the green and red flags!
How Do I Identify?
Often, people do not know what all the letters in the LGBTQIA+ acronym mean. It is important to know the different gender identities to try and understand their journey to fully realizing who they are and if they want to identify with the community.
Ending oppression and supporting with advocacy starts with educating yourself!
- Lesbian: A woman who is physically, romantically and/or emotionally attracted to other women.
- Gay: A man who is physically, romantically and/or emotionally attracted to other men.
- Bisexual: An individual who is physically, romantically and/or emotionally attracted to men and women.
- Transgender: An inclusive term for people whose gender identity and/or expression differs from the sex they were assigned at birth; may or may not decide to alter your body hormonally or surgically.
- Queer: What some LGBTQIA+ people use to describe themselves and their community (some still find this term offensive); Questioning: people still in the process of exploring their sexual identity who are not ready to apply a label to themselves.
- Intersex: An umbrella term to describe a wide range of natural body variations that do not fit neatly into conventional definitions of male or female; intersex variations may include, but are not limited to, variations in chromosome compositions, hormone concentrations, and external and internal characteristics.
- Asexual: A broad spectrum of sexual orientations generally characterized by feeling varying degrees of sexual attraction or desires for partnered sexuality; the deliberate abstention from sexual activity, despite sexual desire; some asexual people do have sex and do experience varying levels of sexual attraction and can experience other forms of attraction such as romantic attraction.
- "+" : Any other sexual, romantic, emotional, or indirectly related term one could use to define themself (we highly recommend taking a look at the curated list from the LGBTQIA Resource Center)
Attraction is more complicated than enjoying someone's physical appearance or their company!
- Sexual attraction: attraction that makes people desire sexual contact or shows sexual interest in another person(s).
- Romantic attraction: attraction that makes people desire romantic contact or interaction with another person or persons.
- Aesthetic attraction: occurs when someone appreciates the appearance or beauty of another person(s), disconnected from sexual or romantic attraction.
- Sensual attraction: the desire to interact with others in a tactile, non-sexual way, such as through hugging or cuddling.
- Emotional attraction: the desire to get to know someone, often as a result of their personality instead of their physicality. This type of attraction is present in most relationships from platonic friendships to romantic and sexual relationships.
- Intellectual attraction: the desire to engage with another in an intellectual manner, such as engaging in conversation with them, “picking their brain,” and it has more to do with what or how a person thinks instead of the person themselves.
Romantic Orientationdescribes an individual’s pattern of romantic attraction based on a person’s gender(s) regardless of one’s sexual orientation. Sexual identities and romantic orientations are not linked. For example, a person could be asexual, aromantic, neither, or both asexual and aromantic.
- Sexual and romantic orientation are usually aligned (bot not linked) for those who experience sexual attraction, like being sexually attracted toward the people with the same gender(s) as the people they are interested in forming romantic relationships with.
- Since orientation and attraction do not necessarily define or predict behavior, you cannot assume you know someone’s identity based on their behavior nor can you know what types of relationships/behaviors a person will engage in simply by knowing how they identify.
Some (NOT ALL) Examples:
- Aromantic: individuals who do not experience romantic attraction toward individuals of any gender(s)
- Biromantic: romantic attraction toward males and females
- Heteroromantic: romantic attraction toward person(s) of a different gender
- Homoromantic: romantic attraction towards person(s) of the same gender
- Panromantic: romantic attraction towards persons of every gender(s)
- Polyromantic: romantic attraction toward multiple, but not all genders
- Gray-romantic: individuals who do not often experience romantic attraction
- Demiromantic: an individual who does not experience romantic attraction until after a close emotional bond has been formed. People who refer to themselves as demiromantic may choose to further specify the gender(s) of those they are attracted to (e.g. demi-homoromantic).
Queerplatonic relationships are close but non-sexual, non-romantic relationships.
- Emotional commitment and prioritization that goes beyond what most would consider to be a friendship (what is typically seen in a romantic relationship).
- May involve a greater degree of intimacy or commitment than a platonic friendship, but does not always include sexual or romantic elements.
- May be of any gender or sexual identity.
- Not limited to the aromantic community (includes those on the asexual spectrum and other gender and sexual identities).
Healthy Relationships: Tips and Examples
Does your partner...
- Respects your chosen gender pronouns or name?
- Respects your boundaries?
- Gives you space to hang out with friends and family?
- Keep your gender identity safe (if you are not out)?
- Validate your identity, especially during sexual interactions?
The answer should be "yes" to ALL of these questions. If your partner is not doing all of these things, then the relationship is NOT HEALTHY!
Abusive Relationships: How Will I Know the Signs?
Abuse can be emotional, physical, sexual, and psychological. Abusers will use many kinds of tactics - intimidation, isolation, denying, minimizing, blaming, using privilege, economic abuse, coercion and threats, etc. - to overpower or control their partner. This power and control manifests into an abusive relationship.
Knowing the signs provides insight for how heterosexism, homophobia, biphobia, and transphobia can be used to further perpetuate abuse. This can look like:
- Using looks, actions, or gestures to reinforce homophobia, biphobia or transphobia.
- Threatening to out you to people (if you are not out).
- Telling you that you aren’t a “real” gay man, lesbian woman, trans man, trans woman, non-binary individual, etc. (this could be because you don’t have sex the way they want you to or think you should).
- Using friends, family, or a small number of open, affirming community spaces to monitor a survivor, to gather information, to ostracize, or threaten to ostracize them.
- Threatening to call the police to leverage the discrimination and violence that law enforcement has committed against the LGBTQIA+ community (i.e., threatening to tell your ex-spouse or authorities that you are lesbian, gay, bisexual or trans so they will take your children)
LGBTQIA+ Power and Control Wheel Power and Control Wheel PDF
For more information, visit:
Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer Plus (LGBTQ+) Resource Center
References:
LGBT Center UNC Chapel Hill - Asexuality, Attraction, and Romantic Orientation
Love Is Respect - Healthy LGBTQ Relationships (PDF)
Office of LGBTQIA Education & Engagement - Understanding LGBTQIA Identities
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